Having been asked what I think about the “Twilight” books, I’ve decided to write a response that I can share with those who want to know more about this book as well as how to respond to a child’s desire to read the series of books. Twilight is a set of 4 romance books written by a Mormon lady who had a vision or dream that prompted her to write this story. It has become a very popular book. Many are surprised that I allowed my 17 year old to read this book before reading the book myself … but I had several reasons for allowing her to read the book. I’ll try and explain how I came to this decision and I’ll offer a few remarks about the movie as well as some parenting advice, from a worldview perspective!
This past fall everyone on Kimmy’s basketball team was reading these books and passing them around. She told me that they were “clean” with nothing “unacceptable” in the book (no bad language, sex, etc.). As I read the back of the book I realized that vampires were involved. Now I’m thinking, “Why would a Christian want to waste time reading a book about vampires?” At this point my daughter is “into” the book and she wants to finish reading them. I even had a friend email and say, “You are letting your daughter read these books?” My decision to allow her to decide whether or not she should continue reading the books was based on the following factors:
1) Kimmy’s almost 18 and she is practically perfect in every way, she is obedient and compliant, and rarely asks for anything for herself. (She’s also willing to read any book I suggest — she’s an avid reader.) For this reason I naturally want to say “yes” to anything she wants. But, being a parent, I realize saying yes to everything isn’t always wise … so now I’m torn and my response, as I see it, could be one of the following:
a) Are you nuts? Put that book down. Burn it. It’s evil.
b) Let me read it first and then I’ll decide if it’s okay for you to read.
c) I’m not sure this is the best way to spend your time, but I’ll leave this decision up to you.
Even though I admit that I have responded in all three fashions as one time or another, I chose “c” this time and allowed her to make the choice — she did read all of the books.
2) As one who is passionate about encouraging others to understand and live out a Biblical worldview I have become very aware that many, many 2nd generation Christians are either not coming to the faith of their parents or they are “jumping ship” and abandoning the faith. In the past parent’s concern was over the college students (Barna polls show that over 50% of students claiming to be Christian entering college deny the faith by the end of the first semester.) Now it seems the teens still living at home are jumping ship. The articles I read and the comments I hear from parents at the seminars point to two factors:
a) Parents are restrictive and legalistic without defending the choices they make in a reasonable and logical manner. (“Because I’m the parent,” is the often heard reply.)
b) Parents are hypocrites. Yes, we all are hypocrites because we are all sinners and have not yet reached perfection — but there’s a bigger problem than the admission of a sin nature. We often act differently behind closed doors than we do in public. The most common example is yelling at your children only to hear the phone ring, pick it up, and answer “hello” with a kind and gentle voice. We also do not consistently live out our worldview. We don’t practice what we preach. Do you speed when you drive? Do you run red lights? Do you justify your sin? If so, that’s moral relativism. We are all guilty. The point isn’t to expect never to be hypocritical, but rather to be willing to be held accountable, to admit when we are wrong, and then to conscientiously make an attempt to alter our behavior in the future. This is hard, but it is vitally important that our children see that adhering to scriptural principles and values matter to us all the time (most importantly that they matter to us behind closed doors). Our children’s perception of God is directly linked to their view of us as parents. If we are legalistic and harsh, then they’ll assume that God is legalistic and harsh, and they will want nothing to do with Him. If we are prideful and unapproachable, then they will see God as unapproachable.
Knowing that we don’t want to be legalistic, yet being aware that today’s culture is filled with a plethora of opportunities and situations from which we would love to protect our children, we are faced with having to come up with a plan. Sometimes it’s easier to make rules, be a strict taskmaster, and pray for good results. Tedd Tripp’s book “Age of Opportunity” (which I highly recommend every parent read) begins by questioning motives behind our parenting. Are we concerned with our image, having control, getting respect, or are do we really and truly care about our children’s hearts. Ouch. That hurts. When my friend wrote and simply asked, “Are you letting Kimmy read these books?” I became more concerned (for a moment) with what others would think of me as a parent and was tempted to set my foot down and prohibit further reading. Then I thought of Ted Tripp’s book and realized that this decision shouldn’t be based on how the outcome makes me look as a parent. My daughter’s heart is more important than my pride.
3) In talking with a few friends I quickly discovered just how popular these books have become. I had no idea they were so popular. One of my friends has a niece (not a believer) who asked her cousin (my friend’s daughter) to read the books so they could discuss the books. The daughter wasn’t excited about spending her time reading these books, but my friend encouraged her daughter to consider doing this for the sake of maintaining a good relationship with the cousin, with the hopes that the discussions would be meaningful. My friend began reading the book with her daughter so that they can now discuss the book with each other and then with the cousin. My sister, who is 58 years old (and not a believer), is reading the books. Another friend read the books before allowing her daughter to read them and she shared her thoughts with me. At this point I will admit that no one in our family (to my knowledge) has read the Harry Potter books. My older boys saw the first movie immediately after they saw “Lord of the Rings” and that produced some interesting conversations. I fear that sometimes we try and categorize material items into “good” and “bad” boxes and that’s not always as simple as it sounds. People do the same thing with electronics (iPods, cell phones, video games) and even with Facebook accounts, yet these are tools that are neither “good” nor “bad,” rather it’s our utilization of these tools that make a difference. Being aware that there will be many, many conversation among my daughter and her friends, and my daughter and her relatives made me fell better about the time she spent reading the books.
Am I sorry I allowed Kimmy to read this series? Not at all. Do I think she could have spent her time more wisely? Probably. But wait, there’s more … they’ve made the first book into a movie. By this time all I’ve heard about the characters in this book is how perfect Edward is (yes, he’s a vampire, but he’s a good vampire …. he has self-discipline and he doesn’t suck people’s blood, he sucks animal’s blood — doesn’t that make you feel better already? LOL) I went to see the movie when it came to the cheap theatre (spent 75c) thinking that I would leave the theatre saying, “Oh, now I get it! I see what all the excitement is about.” Nope — that didn’t happen. I did understand the story a little more clearly, but it really just confirmed to me that these books can only be used to bring one closer to God if the discussions that take place afterwards brings the conversation around to spiritual matters. Is that enough of a reason to read these books? I doubt it. Was that my reason for allowing Kimmy to read the books? No, that wasn’t my reason.
Here are, in my opinion, some of the problems with the movie (which I understand from those who have read the books that the movie does not do justice to the book — but that’s what everyone usually says about movies based on books):
1) Blood sucking vampires are not real and bringing vampires into the story (as well as Native American werewolf legends) does not promote one to think about things that are lovely, TRUE, of good report, etc.
2) The movie is not realistic at all. I realize you can’t make something that isn’t real appear totally real, but they could have done a better job, in my opinion, using today’s technology, but, then again, perhaps in this case not being realistic is a good thing!
3) As is common, the morality of this movie is totally relativistic. This is where the conversations about this movie can turn to spiritual matters. If there is no god, then morality is human centered — the end justifies the means and “survival of the fittest” decides who’s right and who wins. One could pause this movie every 10 minutes and discuss the moral relativism taking place. Edward (the good vampire) has character qualities that are admirable (which is why the teen girls like him so much). He’s self-controlled, family matters to him, he goes out of his way to protect Bella, he’s gentle and kind, etc.
4) Having just pointed out the moral relativism of the movie, good and bad are clearly defined among the vampires. The bad vampires are selfish and they will hunt out and kill humans for their blood. The good vampires are self-controlled and they realize that killing humans is wrong.
5) The movie contains a lot of violence. Although there is little physical contact, you know that these two want to be more involved physically with each other. Edward can be anywhere and he comes in Bella’s room at night to watch her sleep. They begin kissing, but stop … not so much because they should remain pure … but because it tempts Edward to want her blood and she’s tempted to sacrifice being human to get what she wants. The movie includes plenty of behavior that is normal to today’s teens — speeding, drinking, gossiping, etc.
6) The biggest problem with this movie is the tag line for the movie that reads, “Bella feels that she has no choice but to love Edward regardless of the risk to her self or to her family.” Bella cares about Bella even though she talks about dying for others. Bella puts her friends, family members, and even the “good” vampires into risky situations throughout the movie in order to get what she wants. She cares far more about herself than others. At one point she does put herself in danger to help her mom (who she put at risk in the first place), but most of her choices center on her own desires.
Plugged in Online does a great job discussing the differences between the movie and the books. http://www.pluggedinonline.com/movies/movies/a0004361.cfm
Now, let’s talk a little more about parental choices.
At our seminars we often show video clips in order to expose the worldview messages that many movies contain. In fact, the movie Horton Hears a Who contains so many messages that I’m going to write a guide on how to use that movie to teach worldviews! Sometimes a child will say, “I’m not allowed to watch this movie.” It’s great to see a child who will speak up when he is concerned that he may be watching something he shouldn’t watch. Many children have not been allowed to watch some of the movies we use (even though all are G rated). One time I had to leave the class in order to get a parent to give his child permission to watch the clip we were showing. I love what he told his son, which was something like, “As your parent I am careful about the teachers I put you under. If I ever put you in a classroom situation you can be assured that I am aware of what will be taught and I want you to be respectful to your teacher.” This class is generally the one most remembered by the elementary students because they realize, after we point it out to them, that every movie has a message and every message does not line up with the word of God.
Now that my daughter has read the books and I’ve seen the movie, I’m more than okay with the outcome. Showing my daughter that I trust her judgment was the most important factor in my decision making process. Many Christian parents set up rules in their homes with no room for compromise, no discussion, no explanation, no exceptions. This is dangerous. If our children do not understand the reasoning behind our rules, then they will have problems maturing into wise decision makers. Not only that, if our children do not understand or agree with our rules, then when they leave home they abandon our list of rules. A relationship with Christ is much more than a completing a check list of “dos and don’ts.”
At our seminars our mission is to teach Christians to ask the right questions, question the answers, and to search the scriptures in order to understand and live out a Biblical worldview. We must raise our children in such a way that they are able to process information in order to formulate their beliefs and then, and this is very important, be ready and able to share and defend their beliefs.
What’s the answer? It’s really fairly simple … talk to your children when they rise up, when they sit down, and when they walk along the way. Be approachable. Be consistent. Be willing to be held accountable. Be apologetic and be forgiving. In other words, be Christ like … especially behind closed doors. Pray for wisdom when making decisions. I would say (now that most of my children are grown) that erring on the side of grace and liberty would be preferable than being legalistic and controlling.
One of my teachers, 21 year old male, recently watched the movie and I’ve asked him to write a review. I’ll post that when he sends it to me!
Will Smith is a great actor and for the most part, I love his movies. Having an opportunity to rent “Seven Pounds” ($1 at Red Box … don’t you love that?) and watch it alone (previewing to determine suitability for children) I have very mixed emotions. Since I had read a few reviews beforehand, I knew the movie was not well received by Hollywood types. Now that I’ve seen the movie, that surprises me. I would think that a movie like this would have been very appealing to most people.
